Friday, April 26, 2013

Rambling. My Therapy.

Writing is good therapy for me. I have been neglecting this blog too much. Life is just always crazy, isn't it? I got to be part of this awesome book review last night and the book, that should be published this year was called, "This Is How We Grow". I love that title. Anyway the main theme I got from the part I was able to read was surrendering to what's around us. Not giving up and not doing anything type of surrender, but just kind of accepting what life has brought your way.

The hard part of life for me right now is not being able to surrender. We are in a stage where we have to make decisions. Big, overwhelming, important decisions. That don't just affect Aaron and me, but our children and our extended families, and our friends. It is so hard. We want so badly to do the right thing. But is there a right thing? I mean it's all good. Pretty much any job Aaron gets is going to be a good job. But will it be the best job for us? For this time. For all time? Are we going to find ourselves moving again in 2 year? Because really I'm so over that. I'm ready to put down some roots. I want to decorate. I want to live somewhere long enough to feel like it's home. I want to have a baby, and have that baby take it's first steps in the house where it was born. (Fun fact, none of my kids did that. Olivia born when we lived at the condo, took her first steps at Huber House, Abigail born when we lived at Huber House, took her first steps in PA, Nathan born in PA, took his first steps in AZ!)

We've had this analogy going.. plant the seeds you are given. I think we've planted about 1,000 sounds. Some never grew at all. Some barely sprouted and quickly died. And now we have about three or four little shoots starting to grow and we'll see what blooms. It is hard work and makes my eye twitch.

About two months ago I proclaimed, "I CAN NOT WAIT UNTIL APRIL 27TH!" Aaron looked at me puzzled and asked why. "Because it will be our engagement anniversary and we will go out to eat to Cheesecake Factory, and surely by then we will know what the heck we're doing with our lives."

Welp... tomorrow is April 27th. I do not think we are going to have the details of the rest of our life hammered out today. But maybe... one of these shoots might bloom really quickly. That would be amazing. But the truth is, even if we don't it's okay. I am surrendering to the uncertainty. I know that eventually things will fall into place. Through all this I have learned patience. I have learned to be okay with not knowing. I have faith that we are watched over by a loving God, and He isn't going to let us down now. He is carrying us, and leading us to wherever He needs us. My hope and prayer is that we will be obedient enough to recognize it when He is trying to tell us what to do.

2 comments:

  1. Not knowing drives me nuts! You poor dear! That patience is lesson is obnoxious because I just can't seem to learn it so the Lord keeps sending it to me again and again.

    I thought once we started careers, bought a house, and all that jazz, we'd be set. Then God laughed and we had job changes and then new job offers and more and more decisions. It never ends! But cheesecake definitely helps :) You will make it!

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  2. Then if it ever does settle down and become predictable, we find it monotonous and want more variety. At least I do. Never satisfied.

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