Nathan will be the death of me.

I swear this little boy gives me a run for my money, all day long.

I can't turn my back for a second because he will be giving himself a haircut, sitting in a 25lb tub of sugar, literally climbing up the wall, or running into traffic. Oh my heavens does it get exhausting. It doesn't help that his main form of communication is a high pitched scream. Usually only when he sees food. I've been to feeding time at the zoo. I've heard the hungry crazy call of the lemurs... they've got nothing on Nate. Ear piercing, glass shattering screams. Because he wants a grape.

I try to cook dinner and he must be in my arms, or we are all suffering from The Screaming. Ever cooked an entire lasagna with a 14 month old on your hip? I highly recommend it. You will never appreciate the motility, and light weight of both arms more than after completing that.

He's also discovered the joy of tormenting his sisters. If they are playing together nicely (for once!) he will make sure that moment doesn't last more than 30 seconds. He will grab whatever toys they are playing with, or knock down whatever they are building, or if he really wants to go for the jugular he will steal Abigail's binkies.

But then it's bedtime. Every night he gets a bath and some lotion and some warm fuzzy feety pajamas, and I sit in the rocking chair in his room and cuddle him. And sing him a song. And for the first time all day he is still. He happily rests his head on my chest, cuddles his blanket and sucks his thumb. And then I feel like I can breathe for the first time all day.

I sing two songs. Rotated. Sometimes both. Depends on what's going on with the other two. The first is a hymn the children frequently sing at our church. I Am A Child Of God. And every time I sing the second verse I cry.

I am a child of God,

And so my needs are great;

Help me to understand his words

Before it grows too late.

 For some reason whenever I say those words I get choked up. I think it's because I realize he is a child of God. And heavens to Betsy - are his needs great! And then I sing the chorus.

Lead me, guide me, walk beside me,
Help me find the way.
Teach me all that I must do
To live with him someday.

That's it. That's my job. Lead them, guide them, walk beside them. Not in front of them pulling them along, or behind them pushing them ahead, beside them. I like that. 

And the other song... I honestly think I was meant to hear this song. I have never heard a Mindy Gledhill song in my life. That I'm aware of anyway. But I was singing lullabies to my girls and Olivia wanted me to sing The Pretenders - I'll Stand By You. I decided to look it up on Youtube on my phone. And then it gave me suggested videos and this song came up. I thought it was odd, but did not listen to it. And then I wanted to listen and sing a Billy Joel song... again this song was in the suggested videos. Again I didn't listen to it... and then a third song (because "Mom! Please one more song!" gets me every time) by Raffi... and there was this song again. This time I had to listen to it. And I just cried. From the opening note! I just cried. And now it's become a regular on the rotation.