Olivia and Abigail...
Watching their relationship change and grow as they get older is stressful and rewarding, entertaining and frustrating...
I don't know how to explain it. They love each other. Clearly. But I think they may love to torture each other more. There's this constant undertone of I got to do something you didn't. In almost all of their conversations. When Olivia comes home from school she goes on to tell me about what she did. Abigail tells her what we did, but both of them are not just trying to inform each other, they are trying to make the other one jealous. It's in their tone and the words they choose. What on earth is a mother to do about this? I am sure it's normal, but sheesh it drives me nuts.
They also argue and bicker about who gets to be the mom during every game. Olivia usually more bossy than Abigail, but Abigail isn't taking it quite so much anymore, and will refuse to do what Olivia says. Then she will sit in a corner and cry because "no one wants to play her game".
It drains me. Olivia is always correcting Abigail. Correcting the way she talks, or what she thinks, or Heaven forbid they are playing a simple game of Hopscotch and Abigail picks up the rock on the way there, not the way back. Seriously it was like the world was ending. And of course it drives Abigail nuts, and she will start to do it back to Olivia too. Crazy crazy girls!
A funny example of the above... Abigail was saying her prayers and she was being really silly, praying for the "baby in daddy's tummy" and just cracked herself up over it. Well then it was Olivia's turn. She got out of bed and kneeled in the middle of the room and began to pray, "O God, please forgive my sister. Please forgive her for being so silly during her prayer. She did not remember who she was talking to. Please forgive her, she will do better next time. Amen."
Which led to a discussion about prayer for both of them... but seriously. My life.
They also have their tender moments where one gets hurt and they are quick to be there for each other. Trying to capture those moments as well. Right now they are actually playing really nicely together. It's lasted a whole 10 minutes! Let's hope for 10 more..
There are no magic answers, but one thing to try is 'date time' with just one daughter at a time, doing something simple that they choose for an hour or so. Reaffirm how important that daughter is to Mom/Dad. They will compete, but interfere as little as you safely can and it will usually go away when it doesn't get them any attention. Focus offender's attention on victim's feelings when there is sadness, and redirect conversations onto each other's gifts and talents, rewarding positive reactions, ie Mom likes to hear about fun activities you did with each other. Tell me about that. Give yourself a break occasionally too. Good luck. You will look back on these days with fondness someday, once you forget the hard parts.
ReplyDeleteThat comment above is from my mum (if you didn't recognize it). I'm pretty sure half my family keeps up with blogs on my blog roll. The strategy apparently worked well because I HATED playing barbies with my sister because she was so bossy. Now we are really best friends.
ReplyDeleteIt must be incredibly draining for sure! You are doing a phenomenal job all your babies and I think you should give yourself a nice break from parenting while you grow a baby. I miss ya and hope all is well!