Monday, March 21, 2011

So this one time I thought I'd never be able to get pregnant. I really, truly lost all hope. And I bawled my eyes out. I told Aaron that he didn't realize how serious this was. That I really felt like my only purpose in life was to become a mother, and if I could not be a mother then, well, I felt like I had no purpose. And then I cried some more. I remember the look in Aaron's eyes as I said this. It was a cross of this unconditional love, and a fear that he might have to commit me to a mental hospital. I've seen that look a few times since, come to think of it. Anyway, my point is - I really, really, really really wanted to be a mom. Like forever. And now I am.  Sometimes I totally take it for granted. I forget that empty feeling. I get lost in the exhaustion, and refereeing that has become my every day. I need to remind myself sometimes, that yes it is hard. It is so hard. But my life has never felt more complete. My joy has never been more full. Have I sacrificed a lot? Yeah, probably (mostly sleep). Do I ever wish I could take it back? Never. And that's my beef with that stupid commercial. Motherhood is so much more fulfilling than fancy houses, vacations, and even degrees. Those things are nice and important, but to me, motherhood is the greatest gift I have been given. And it might mean a change of plans, but certainly not an end. I hope some day we'll have a fancy house, and go on a nice vacation, but right now I'm thrilled to be playing with my babies in our little apartment.

 Just like I always wanted.

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