Saturday, May 8, 2010

pensive

Mother's Day Eve... lots of thoughts in my head. Just felt like typing them out before going to bed.

Being a mother has brought me so much joy. You hear that a lot. You expect people to say that. But until you experience it's just words. I want to elaborate. I can't think of anything else in my life I could compare it to. There is joy in so much. But hearing my 2 year old say, "Thanks mom!" when I do something simple like wipe off her high chair tray... just fills my heart in a unique way.

Tonight we had a family talent show with the extended Opie family. Olivia danced with all of her little cousins while Great Grandpa Opie played an old dance song on the piano. She was having a blast with all the other little girls, dancing and tumbling for the audience of laughing adults. Again just filled my heart with a feeling I can't find the words for.

Being a mother makes you think about things. About your own childhood. About your own mother. I feel a gratitude for my mother that I thought I already felt. I mean you always hear, some day you'll understand, when you have kids of your own you'll thank me, that sort of talk... And I already felt like I was pretty grateful for my mom and that didn't really apply to me. But as I spend days taking care of these 2 little kids, I think a lot about sacrifice. Of what I'm sacrificing to be a mom... what my mom sacrificed for me. To me it doesn't feel like a sacrifice at all... I love being a mother and it is the only career I've ever wanted. But there's more sacrifice than that. I mean I think just about my physical body, and no matter what, it seriously will never be the same again! I think about buying cute clothes for myself... how much I'd rather buy clothes for my kids. Diaper bags instead of purses. Practical instead of cute shoes. There's a lot more. I'm getting tired now.

I look at these 2 little daughters that I brought into the world. I imagine a future for them, but I know it will be up to them and they'll make their own decisions, and although there's this joy that fills my heart now, I know as they grow there will be sorrows and more sacrifices, but also even more joy. Sometimes days are so long, but I realize this time, with my babies is so short. So so short. All I want to do tomorrow is cuddle my babies and say thanks to my mom.

....aaand maybe get to sleep in a bit. :)

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