New years eve

I cant find my normal journal so I'm going to write here.

Tonight Nathan asked to call my mom. She's sick and I heard him asking "Well who's going to take care of you since you're sick?" And then after we did fireworks we did a little toast and Aaron told the kids to go kiss who they wanted to kiss after we said cheers. And Nathan tugs on my shirt and looks up at me with his puckered little lips and my heart just bursts with love for this sweet boy.

Olivia has a cough and isn't feeling well. She painted her face to look like a Pikachu.  But then I think she was slightly embarrassed.  She's entering this new phase of no longer being a little kid and it's definitely new territory for us.

Abigail is still the peacemaker. Lately she's also filled our house with music as she's constantly singing or playing piano. She is also boy crazy already.

Eliza is almost 3. I'm praying that at 3 she turns a corner and all this sass she's been full of lately goes away. She is very strong and independent and smart as a whip. And I think I'll leave it at that.

Nora is 7 months and she's trying to crawl. She mostly scoots and rolls and does her baby planks. She doesn't sleep horribly but not great either. I can pretty much count on one hand the number of times I've slept through the night since March. But she's the sweetest most charming baby and we're all absolutely crazy about her.

We've had a fun day with family in town, playing board games, drinking mocktails, and eating delcious food. But my heart is heavy as I wish I could also be with my family in NJ. This is just a hard time of year for them and I'm so so glad that in less than a week I'll be on my way there.

An open letter to my unborn child.

Dear Baby Girl,
       
       I see you're already following the good example of your older siblings by not being born, even a day before your due date. It's okay, I'm used to it by now. I just want to be clear, this isn't a competition about who could gestate the longest, okay? We're at 40 weeks, so any day now would be great. Lets not try to get to 41 like everyone else. Plus, we just cleaned a lot. And I had the van cleaned. These things won't last long, so if you'd like a nice clean welcome into this world, tonight, tomorrow, no rush, would be a great day to be born. Otherwise, I make no promises about the condition of the vehicle that will drive you home. Perhaps you think because we already have a cute new baby here we're not as excited for your arrival. I promise, this couldn't be further from the truth! I am so excited to see you two next to each other. And all your older siblings can not wait to meet you. And so here's the thing. Your dad is going back to work after this week of vacation is up, and I'd really like you to be able to hang out with him a lot. So if you aren't here by Saturday we're going to be giving you the boot. But I'm super scared of that whole process, and worried how it will effect you, and me, and so please, before Saturday would be great. Also, if you could come out with a name badge on that would be great. Your dad and I can't seem to see eye to eye. Again, nothing new. Don't worry, no one is nameless yes. You've been such a calm in-utero baby. I hope it's indicative of your personality. Because we have a lot of crazy going on around here, and can sure use some calm. Though if you're another opinionated, sassy, silly, emotional female, don't worry. You'll fit right in.
We can't wait to kiss you, and count your toes, and dress you up. See you soon.

Love,
Mom

7 weeks old!

Our little Saely is 7 weeks old today. We finally got some big, genuine happy to see ME smiles today. It was great. I haven't updated lately because for 1, I don't know how much I'm "allowed" to say on a public forum like my blog. And how much I want to say, for Saely's sake. Respecting her privacy and whatnot. But my hopes of reunification seem to be diminishing and we're thinking more about adoption. Fortunately we have some time before we have to make that decision. So many big decisions lately. I think I will always look back at 2016 as the craziest year. We are looking at possibly buying a house and choosing to stay here in Yuma for at least 5 more years. We're also thinking we might home school next year. And we are going to have to decide if we're going to basically raise twins! And you know the best time to make these decisions is when you're running on 2-3 hours of sleep at a time.

38 weeks pregnant now and feeling really good honestly. My usual aches and pains that I've come to expect at this stage in pregnancy haven't hit me yet, and other than being tired and difficulty with like maneuvering around this giant belly, I really feel great. For the first time I'm glad that I tend to "slow cook" my babies. I'll gladly stay pregnant another 3 weeks! She's a whole lot easier to take care of in there than out. So as long as we're both healthy she can stay put. Though I am so excited to meet her. This pregnancy has felt so surreal. Time goes by so much faster with all these little ones.

Anyway, if you want the last trimester of a pregnancy to fly by, I highly recommend becoming foster parents to a newborn. There is no time to think, "hm, how can I pass the time before baby comes?" I can't believe there will be 2 of them in 3 weeks or less. Saely is a very high needs newborn. She fusses quite a bit, doesn't sleep great, and I keep thinking "How am I going to do it?" But immediately I feel peace and think that it will work out. One day at a time! We'll get through it. I just hope this little one in my womb is like the most chill baby ever. Otherwise things will certainly be interesting.

The kids are all finishing up school. Lots of end of year parties and trips. Oh and I got rid of one of our dogs. Something just had to give. And she was constantly jumping on the kids and knocking them over and they wouldn't go outside because they were afraid of her jumping on them. I feel tremendously guilty, but she went to a great family and I'm sure they're taking great care of her. But I still feel this sense of guilt. However, all 4 kids were completely 100% on board with her going. I don't think I could have done it if even one of them seemed remotely sad about her leaving. So now life is a manageable 5 kids.. soon to be 6! And 1 dog. Binky it seems to have proven the test of time. He's a good dog, even if he has a weird compulsion to pee on plastic bags. Seriously, completely house broken, unless you leave a plastic bag on the ground. So weird.

I'm going to try to add some pictures from my phone. We'll see how that works...

Olivia's Baptism!

Olivia was baptized on Saturday! Such a crazy, whirlwind of a day. But it was beautiful. Aaron and I started the day in the temple. It was really special, and I think we might make it a tradition for the rest of our kids baptism days.

For my not Mormon family and friends, mormons get baptized at age 8. We don't believe in original sin, so we don't see a reason to baptize babies. So the "age of accountability" was decided to be 8. I think it's interesting that it's the same age you receive your first Holy Communion in Catholicism. 

So Aaron performed the baptism and confirmation. Olivia kept saying she couldn't believe she was really baptized now. We went up to Mesa for it so that Great Grandpa could be there. Afterwards we had cake. Olivia drew a picture of the cake she wanted literally 6 months ago. She's changed it a bit since then, but mostly this is exactly what she wanted. And I was ridiculously proud of it. It was a vanilla lemon cake with honey vanilla whipped cream and strawberries between the layers. SO good. I actually made two of them because we love a lot of people! And then for our immediate family I made a pasta bar. I made 3 different sauces and 3 different pastas, chicken, sausage, bread sticks, and salad. It was all so delicious. And if you want to feel like super woman, do all this while 8 months pregnant and taking care of a newborn. Not to brag, but I totally am. I just felt impressed with myself. Though it's honestly more of a reflection of the amazing people I have helping me. Obviously I couldn't do any of that alone. So grateful for my husband and his family and all their help. 

^That's a lot of babies! 6ish more weeks until there's another one!

Busy seems to be good for me

At least for now. Maybe I'll crack eventually, but right now it's been really good.

Before Saely was with us my days looked something like: Get kids to school. Exercise with a friend 3x a week. If exercise happened, pretty much nothing else did that day. Like literally, lay on the couch and read Harry Potter while the kids watch TV. Usually I'd cook dinner. And get little people to bed. But I feel like I was doing the bare minimum. And I wasn't feeling all that great about myself. But I had great excuses. Like, hello super pregnant, and taking care of kids, that's enough!

Since Saely has been placed with us a typical day so far has been:

Wake up every 2-3 hours all night and feed, diaper, burp, baby.
Do laundry like all day every day.
Appointment for Saely for a visit with mom.
Doctor's appointment for Saely
WIC appointment for Saely
OB-GYN appointment for me
Coordinate babysitter for all this stuff
Make my bed every day because it gives me some sense of order, which apparently I did not need until now.
Try harder to make individual time each day for each of the kids, because this transition might be hard on them.
Cook dinner.
Read scriptures and pray together, because we need that peace.
Meanwhile, continue to care for newborn around the clock all day.

It's been so hectic. And I love it. Though I almost lost it when I took Eliza with me to pick up Saely today from her visit, and she cried the entire time. Eliza! Just screaming and crying over the most ridiculous things. It took almost an hour to get Saely and come home, and Eliza was crying or yelling for 90% of it. Then when we got home I was so tired and just wanted a nap, when I remembered Saely had to go for her newborn screening follow up today. And I had to drop off a rent check. This was dawning on me as Eliza was crying for who knows what and it was the first time since Saturday that I felt like I was going to just snap. Fortunately, Aaron was home and he told me he'd take Saely to her appointment and drop off the check. Eliza took a good nap, and once again all is right in the world.

I want to document as much of this as possible, so the ol' blog may be updated as much as it was in its glory days of '09. We'll see!

Foster Care Adventure Updates

So we have a newborn! And no, not an 8 week premature one from my womb, but a baby who was placed in foster care as soon as she was born. Since this blog is public I won't go into too many details about her life and her mom, but she's healthy, and tiny (6lbs!!) and beautiful.
    On Saturday, it was Aaron's only day off before a hectic week beginning so I was going to take some time for myself and go shopping. But of course I needed a quick nap first. Went to lay down for a nap around noon, and almost immediately my phone rang. As soon as I saw the name, I knew it was a call about a placement. Our licensing agent told me the situation, baby was born on the 24th, and was being discharged from the hospital today. I looked at Aaron, eyes beaming, goosebumps from head to toe, and said, "We're taking her, right?" And he was like, "Are you sure?" Ya know, being 7 months pregnant and all. But I was sure. So he nodded, and I told her we'd take care. She said another social worker would call me shortly. Sure enough a few minutes later my phone rings again and it's the case worker. I can go pick the baby up, like right now. Holy cow! So much for my nap and shopping spree. Aaron started to unload the newborn stuff, and install the car seat. I told the rest of the kids that I was going to pick up a baby. They were all so excited, but also half ignoring me because they were watching a show. They barely noticed when I left, and Olivia was shocked when I got home about a half hour later with a baby.
           She's been really good. I'm a zombie. Last night she slept from 8-11, and then 12-2, and then woke up at 3 super fussy until about 5:30. The night before was similar. And the night before that I think I was too excited, and she was up every couple of hours, that I literally didn't sleep at all. So yeah, I'm tired. But I also feel really good. I really love the bio mom, and I'm excited to help her. I do think this baby will be reunited with her.
            Everyone is smitten, except maybe Eliza. Who frequently says, "BE QUIET BABY! JUST GO TO SLEEP!" But has occasionally whispered, "She's beautiful." And squealed, "She's so cute!" Olivia has been super helpful, and it's been really good for her. Abigail asks to hold her, and then is over it almost as soon as baby is in her arms. Poor Nathan is so confused about what's going on. He understands it's not the baby from my belly, and that she probably won't be with us forever, so he keeps asking, "Is she gone yet?"
     It's been extra hard because Aaron has had to work a ton the past few days. But I'm super grateful for the support from friends. The strongest emotion has really been gratitude, and peace feeling like this is the right thing. Tired is definitely there too.
        So yes, 32 weeks pregnant, taking care of a newborn + my 4 littles. Life has never been busier, but I've also never felt more fulfilled.

The other day we were outside riding bikes and Nathan was riding as fast as his little legs would peddle. Then he came up to me and asked, "Mom, could you see me? When I was riding that fast? Or did I just look like a line of smoke?" He really thought he was going so fast I couldn't see him and could only see a blur and smoke. I think 4 year olds are my favorite.

Just a snap shot of life right now... 31 weeks pregnant. Thinking we might home school Olivia for the rest of the year after spring break. She's been begging me to, and it's been on my mind since she started school, so I think we might just try it out and see how it goes.

Abigail has a weird infection, which she's on medicine for. It's caused a big bald spot on the top of her head. The other night Aaron was looking at her and said, "It's just so sad." And she looked up and was like, "What? What's sad?" It 100% doesn't bother her. Same as the wart. I heard a girl at girl scouts asking her if she was embarrassed because she has a wart. Abigail said, "Why would I be embarrassed about part of my body? It's just part of me. Are you embarrassed of your hair or your eyes? Of course I'm not embarrassed!" Tonight she also told me, "Mom I am cute, but I'm 'don't mess with me, or I'll destroy you' kind of cute." I have no idea where this fierce amazing girl came from, but I love her to bits.

Eliza is obsessed with Lion Guard. She is so funny and makes everyone laugh all the time. Her vocabulary is crazy, and Nathan think it's great that she's not a baby anymore since she can talk. They've been playing a lot better lately, though it's almost always a fighting game, and almost always it ends in tears. He loves protecting her though, and he can't wait to have another baby sister, so he can be "two big brothers".

I also found out that our foster care license is NOW officially done. Before, I misunderstood. I thought since everything was done with our agency that we were done. But it still had to be submitted to the state. Then once it was submitted to the state, they were taking forever to get it back. But I got a call today that it's officially approved! As of tomorrow we're on the open bed list. Eeeee! I don't know how long it will be after that, that we get a call, but I'm under the assumption it won't be very long.

I am feeling pretty good. Just super tired. My energy is tapped out after the most trivial tasks. My back hurts right now. The other day we got in the car to pick up Nathan from preschool and Eliza said, "Mom, we got this!" And then demanded a fist pump. It was so funny, and oddly just what I needed when I was feeling overwhelmed. We got this.