Eliza is 6!

I can't say enough about this girl. She is something else. I could listen to her thoughtful ramblings forever. I once told her that her face was so interesting to me that I could stare at it forever and never get bored. And I think that meant so much to her because I can't tell you how many times she's asked since then, "Mom, could you really stare at my face forever?"

She has the most thought provoking, google inducing questions. Some even google can't answer. Like, if we always tell her "it's GOOD to make mistakes, and we learn through our mistakes, well then how did Jesus ever learn anything, because he didn't make any mistakes?" She literally asked this a week ago. Any great answers, because, "Well... mistakes aren't the *only* way we learn." didn't really satiate her curiosity.

Tonight when I was putting her to bed I said, "Okay 6 years old, I will tell you six things I love about you." And I rattled off six things and went to give her a kiss goodnight before going to bed myself. And she said, "Wait, how old are you? Okay I'm going to tell you 35 things I love about you!" And while this may have been delaying bedtime tactic, it was a darn good one. And that list was the most amazing thing I've ever heard. Not a single thing was about her. Like cooking dinner for her, or anything that involved her at all. It was things like, "You always try so hard! Even when you fail at your resolutions, do you give up? NO! You just keep trying. That's so good, Mom." I mean, she went hard. "You have a job that you love. And you wake up SO early because you care about people. And you care about us and you care about kids in China. You just really care about people. You always have this smile on your face when your kids are happy. You make sure we always have great birthdays and make us feel so important and special. When someone gets hurt you don't yell at them for doing something wrong, you just make sure they're okay. You have so much faith and you teach us about the Gospel and your spirit just fills my spirit up, like this (moving her hand up higher and higher)." She went on and on and I wish so much I could have recorded it because I can't remember quite everything. Though never giving up was repeated a few times.

She is so caring and one of my favorite things about Eliza is how quick she is to apologize and recognize when she did something wrong. I had an experience when she was a toddler throwing a huge tantrum and I was about to discipline this behavior when the Spirit spoke so clearly to me. "Don't break her spirit. Don't break her. She has a special spirit, she feels things strongly, don't break her spirit." Believe it or not, I had been given the advice before, with my first child, that I had to "break her spirit" and if I didn't I would have trouble her the rest of her life. You show them who's boss when they're toddlers and you won't have to show them again when they're teenagers. Maybe this is true. But it just felt awful to me, and I am so glad I listened to that prompting and have always kept it in mind. Whenever she would throw fits or get upset, I would usually respond with empathy and naming her feelings and helping her work through it. Not that I was 100% perfect at this, but I am so grateful to see the fruits of my efforts in this regard. When Eliza makes a mistake she's the first to admit, apologize, try to make it right, and move on. I pray she keeps this gift forever!

Right before her first birthday, my brother died, and Eliza stayed in NJ with me, while Aaron flew the other kids home. She was such a light to everyone during that time. She happily went to whoever wanted to hold her. She would try her hardest to toddle between two grieving adults, bringing them joy and smiles during the darkest time. I know it could have been any toddling, cute 11 month old that would have distracted us then, but I really believe there is something special about Eliza. Especially as a baby, everyone just LOVED her. And now, anyone who takes the time to get to know her and see past her sass, also fall in love.

She is also so empathetic and caring. When someone is hurt she will be the first trying to cheer them up.

She is still obsessed with her "night night" and she does this thing where she rubs her face with her blanket and kind of sucks on her lip. I'm not even sure what she's doing, she calls it "mmmm-ing" and she can't quit it. Even though it's rubbed the enamel completely off her teeth (thank goodness they're baby teeth and hopefully when they fall out she won't be able to "mmm" anymore and break the habit before her adult teeth grow in!).

Yesterday we were playing basketball and I told her that I think it's too high for any 5 year old to be able to make a basket, but she wanted to try anyway. I told her, "Okay, but it's really all in the legs." "I know, Mom! I know. Alll...in... the legs..." She crouched down then jumped up and shot, and it went right in! Then she did it again! 2 in a row. She was beaming. "Maybe I could be on a basketball team, afterall!"


I need to go to bed, but really I could write a novel about this girl and the funny things she says and the wonderful things she does.

Just a general life update of things I don't want to forget. The holidays were good. Though we have had the longest string of rotten luck this year. It started with roof rats. Which led to finding out about termites. And then a random window just falling out of our house. No one was hurt, it was fine. But very unusual and the window guy wanted to take a picture of it because he always tells people it could happen (some glue thingy dried out and failed. Supposedly the windows from this place will never do that because they use something different.) but he's never actually seen it happen, and this picture could help him sell a lot of windows. Go for it, dude. And then there was this little dude causing some trouble that ended up costing us $1,000. (Won't go into details publicly, but if you want to know just ask.) I can't even remember everything else, but basically since August we have not had a month where an extra $1,000 didn't just *poof* away. So that was fun. But we still had a great Christmas, and enjoyed time with family and actually what I want to remember most this Christmas is how peaceful it truly was. The kids ALL played so well together all day. Not a single argument or fight. It was magical and just a great day. Which ended with pestilence and the plague. Okay -- just strep throat and a weird virus.

    Honestly we've been sick since a bit before Christmas, Abigail with strep throat, and then Aaron and I with strep throat. Olivia, Nathan, Matthew, and Nora all down with a weird virus that included a fever and rash. But at last, I think today is the first in about a month that we're all healthy *knock on wood*.  

Matthew putting this toy house on his head and walking around making everyone laugh.

"Look Mom, I'm a little roof!"

Of all the sick kids, she was the sickest. Poor girl had a fever for a week and just wanted to snuggle all day every day.

New Years Even with friends.

Yuma did an aweome new years eve activity for families, and they had these sketchy characters there. But honestly, the little kids were just as excited as if we were at Disneyland.

On Christmas Eve we bake all day. Made the best snickerdoodles ever.

Things I Learned in 2019.

I've spent the last 24 beating myself up for already blowing my New Years Resolution. And guess what. It has nothing to do with dieting, cleaning, or reading. My single, solitary resolve was to be at all obligated places. I wanted 100%. I wanted to be at every single thing I was supposed to be at. I really didn't think I was asking that much of myself. Because literally that's it. And that's like a thing most humans are doing... right? And I made a list of all the things I missed in 2019 and man, I felt horrible about it, and myself. And so I solemnly swore, this year I wouldn't miss anything. I got myself a new planner and wrote everything down. I put everything from my written calendar into my phone. I started using Aaron's old smartwatch so the reminder would be in my face. And guess what happened on January 6th. I missed a 4-H meeting. I don't even want to go into the embarrassing details of how on Friday, January 3rd I was apologizing to a leader for missed meetings and promising her that we will be at everything else from now on! Because I recognize me missing meetings, means extra work for her. And that's not fair. And I gave a whole speech about that, while picking up some paperwork, that I should have gotten at the LAST meeting. I guess went into the embarrassing details. Anyway, 3 days later and I miss a meeting. A meeting I had written down. And in my phone. But that doesn't help when my phone is dead. Anyway, I spiraled. I spiraled right to the Bad Place. And made physical lists of all the things I missed last year. It was so long, guys. Embarrassingly long.

So my next attempt to help me get over this problem is --- I don't even know. Asking for more help. Writing sticky notes and putting them in my car and on my fridge? Taking some supplements that help with memory? I'd say scale back from activities, but honestly we're not doing that much! Swim team for one kid, 4-H for 2 kids, and church activities throughout the week. Of course there are parent teacher conferences, homeschool co-op, awards assemblies, doctor's appointments, etc. Like I said, I don't think there's much room for scaling back. So here we are. I suck at remembering things. Like I really truly worry that I have some kind of early onset dementia. However, I remember people really well. Names, stories, even birthdays. But a doctor's appointment next Monday? Forget it. Anyway, I'm ready to forgive myself and move on. And as I was doing the dishes tonight I started to realize the many ways I have grown since last year.

1 - I decided to stop dying my hair. I've written about this already, but it's really been life changing. It's given me confidence in other areas of my life as well. It feels amazing to embrace myself, exactly as I am, right now. Which brings me to my next lesson...

2- Healthy At Every Size and rejecting Diet Culture. My body is the heaviest it's been in a long time. And I am so okay with that. Sometimes I eat my feelings, and I am so okay with that. I severely injured my foot in August and all exercise ceased until the last few weeks. And that's okay! I genuinely love and feel gratitude for my body. It has made and nourished 5 entire humans. It has served me well in all I try to accomplish. It is soft and supple and I no longer wish for it to be smaller and firmer. Somehow I've stopped comparing myself to every skinny woman I see. Somehow I've stopped staring at myself in the mirror from different angles and sucking in twisting and measuring and mentally beating myself up for the "extra" food I'd eaten that day. I'm not saying I don't have bad days, but overall, in general, I have this newfound love for myself and I wish every woman I know could feel this way.

3 - A less philosophical change, but still a big thing from this year, I finally feel like I am winning the war against laundry. I listened to an audiobook (A Slob Comes Clean) and she suggests a laundry day and just getting it all done in one day. I've tried this before, but it never got done in one day. I decided to try doing it on a Sunday, since I don't do any other housework on Sundays, and we don't go anywhere besides church. It has worked so well for me, and I have struggled HARD with laundry. The hardest part, was of course folding and putting away. Somehow or another I made this task non-negotiable. The main way I did that was eliminating laundry baskets. It does create more work, because I can only carry one child's laundry at a time. But, the second I put clothes in a laundry basket my brain categorizes them as "away". And they never get truly put away. But if I fold them and leave them on the floor, I need to put them away or a small child will undo all of my hard work in no time at all.  Of course with 6 kids, it truly never ends, but this is the best I've ever been (at laundry).

I thought I had more to say, but I guess that's it. Gray hair, fat, and good at laundry! It's the circle of life...