The One When We Go To Court

So we went to court last week. Aaron had to work so my good friend Nancy came with me for moral support. I am so glad she came because I came out of court really blindsided. They are moving to severance but plan on moving baby to TX. Today is his first birthday! I have had him since he was released from the hospital after being born. He has never met this aunt, not even via video chat or visits, despite my willingness to try either of these things, even meeting halfway or something. But none of that seemed to matter and I was told flat out that I'm not even a consideration. To say I was hurt would be an understatement. I don't even know the correct words for the emotions I was feeling.

So if you are into getting your heartbroken, feeling like a bystander when it comes to the child you are loving with all your heart, then foster care is a great choice for you. If you enjoy not knowing what's going on with a child in your care 24/7, I highly recommend this choice.

On the other hand, I feel like I'm really good at this. And that makes me feel good. I try really hard to have a relationship with baby's bio parents and our licensing worker (the only person it feels like is on my side, or really baby's side) says that will look good in court and to include it in my letter to the judge. I am able to love these babies with all I've got, knowing that at any moment they can leave. The only times I really question what the heck I'm doing is when I wonder if it's hurting my own kids in anyway. They all seem fine and okay with everything, and I tell myself that they are learning compassion and empathy and selfless love, but that's hard when I think of Nora. I mean she's had 3 foster siblings in the 2 years she's been alive. Does she sense she might be one to leave? Is that why she doesn't sleep anymore or is the most clingy of my 5.

Anyway we go back for a severance hearing on the 6th of Sept. I am not sure what will happen from there. It will be interesting.