The one where Nathan Starts Hockey

I am seriously so excited for Nathan to be playing hockey. It was my brother's thing, and while it's definitely bitter sweet, I choose to focus on the sweet. I'd love to say Nathan put on his skates and hit the ground gliding like pro, but the truth is, he is pretty terrible. Definitely not a natural. But it was his first time on skates and he didn't fall down that much! So I was impressed. He just does this hilarious tiny baby steps way of skating. It's hard to describe, and hilarious to watch. I'm sure he'll continue to improve. And he's already made good friends, and I'm already envisioning signing him up for travel and becoming a real hockey mom. Though I think that will be further down the road. 

Also anyone in Yuma -- hockey is THE best sport option. Equipment rental is free and it's only $50 for the whole season. You really can't beat that! I kind of regret not signing my girls up as well. So far it seems like Nathan loves to play as much as I love to watch, but we'll see how long it lasts. Skate clinic was indoors, and when the season starts we'll be outside. Hopefully cool weather is just around the corner, but in the middle of August this heat feels never ending. 

The One When We Go To Court

So we went to court last week. Aaron had to work so my good friend Nancy came with me for moral support. I am so glad she came because I came out of court really blindsided. They are moving to severance but plan on moving baby to TX. Today is his first birthday! I have had him since he was released from the hospital after being born. He has never met this aunt, not even via video chat or visits, despite my willingness to try either of these things, even meeting halfway or something. But none of that seemed to matter and I was told flat out that I'm not even a consideration. To say I was hurt would be an understatement. I don't even know the correct words for the emotions I was feeling.

So if you are into getting your heartbroken, feeling like a bystander when it comes to the child you are loving with all your heart, then foster care is a great choice for you. If you enjoy not knowing what's going on with a child in your care 24/7, I highly recommend this choice.

On the other hand, I feel like I'm really good at this. And that makes me feel good. I try really hard to have a relationship with baby's bio parents and our licensing worker (the only person it feels like is on my side, or really baby's side) says that will look good in court and to include it in my letter to the judge. I am able to love these babies with all I've got, knowing that at any moment they can leave. The only times I really question what the heck I'm doing is when I wonder if it's hurting my own kids in anyway. They all seem fine and okay with everything, and I tell myself that they are learning compassion and empathy and selfless love, but that's hard when I think of Nora. I mean she's had 3 foster siblings in the 2 years she's been alive. Does she sense she might be one to leave? Is that why she doesn't sleep anymore or is the most clingy of my 5.

Anyway we go back for a severance hearing on the 6th of Sept. I am not sure what will happen from there. It will be interesting.

Pictures are worth 1,000 words. (Maybe i'll find time to add actual words..)

When we had a 7 hour delay

We flew home from NJ last week and it was doozy! From traffic on the Turnpike to our flight being delayed we were travelling for a total of about 16 hours. Aaron flew home earlier in the week, so it was just me and all my babies. It was so crazy, but really not too bad. It was an 8pm flight, and we didn't actually take off until 2am. But for some reason I was in a great mood and it was okay. 

       The first few hours the kids were happy to play on the escalator and play with the few toys they had packed. Then when they got tired, they made little nests and fell asleep on the airport floor. Someone handed us a food voucher and we got the most delicious crab meat cobb salad ever. The worst part of it was when they changed the gate on us. After telling me they wouldn't. And it was in a different concourse so I had to drag everyone and all our stuff across the airport at midnight. But so many people around us were so helpful. It made such a difference. One lady even helped wake Nathan up. He is such a deep sleeper, and I was gently shaking him and calling his name. This lady was like, "You want help?" I said sure, thinking she might pick him up or something but she yelled so loud, "NATHAN! DUDE WAKE UP!" Poor Nathan was dazed and confused and very grumpy while we walked to the other gate.

        When we got to the next gate everyone was lined up ready to board. It was still showing our departure time as 12:15 so we thought we were ready to go. I wasn't sure which line to go in since there were no other little kids on this flight (smart parents) and I was looking around when this nice gentleman gestured for me to join him in the first class line, "You get preboarding with all those kids right?"  I explained on the way out they never announced preboarding for children so I wasn't sure. "Oh no, you are going to be the first person on that plane. If they give you trouble, I'll just say you're traveling with me. You are amazing, traveling with 5 kids like this by yourself." Well thank you kind sir!

Then we waited - 12:15 came and went. The time on the screen jumped to 12:45. Everyone groaned. What was going on NOW? Someone with a thick accent and possibly a speech impediment as well spoke quietly into the voice over thing explaining what was happening. No one could understand and it was the brink of chaos as people yelled that they couldn't hear/understand. Nathan begins crying because he thinks something is wrong and he's getting scared. This same nice guy kneels down to Nathan's level and asks him if he wants to see a card trick. He proceeds to pull a deck of cards form his pocket and blows my kids minds with his magic trick. They ask for another and another and he obliges, with honestly some impressive card tricks. Then the kids ask if he will play war with them. He deals them all out and plays war with them until they finally start boarding our plane almost an hour later.

Nora had been asleep in the stroller for most of this chaos. However once we boarded and I had to take her out of the stroller she woke up. She figured she just had a great nap and so she was awake for almost the entire flight. Which meant I got to be awake for the entire flight. We finally landed at 4:00AM (Arizona time - 7AM NJ) and got to my in-laws at 5. I got a couple hours of sleep before kids were up and it was time for a day. Honestly I was so exhausted all week, combination of recovering from the traveling and jetlag I'm sure.