Gross and hilarious, like most of parenthood.

This morning Nathan cleaned his own ears with a Q-Tip for the first time. (First time doing it himself, not first time ever. I know what you're thinking!) He pulled the Q-Tip out and there was a huge piece of ear wax. He screamed, "AH! MOM! I GOT MY BRAIN!" I couldn't stop laughing. He 100% thought he pulled part of his brain out of his ear. I guess he took my warnings of being careful very seriously.

Some day I'll probably regret not documenting this more, so today I'll write... foster care

       Aaron and I have talked about adopting/becoming foster parents for a long time. I don't remember the first time we had a conversation about it, but it was always something we said we'd do "some day". Then we had a bunch of babies and didn't talk about all that much, but every once in a while it would come up. I asked a friend once here in Yuma, and she said that it was next to impossible to become foster parents in Yuma. She told me the trainings were all in Phoenix and they were every week, so that immediately made me dismiss the idea entirely. But months went by and every once in a while the thought would pop back up. And I don't know if Jesse's death had anything to do with us finally taking action, but I have wanted to do something, helping someone in someway since he died. So I think to say it was completely unrelated would be a lie.  Anyway my googling led me to a licensing agency which I sent an inquisitive email. The person who I emailed happened to be on vacation and didn't get back to me for over 2 weeks. When I saw the response I was honestly shocked because I figured my friend was right and it just wasn't going to be possible in Yuma. So we set up a meeting to meet and she would answer all our questions for us in person.
           I'll never forget the feeling sitting there with that social worker. As she answered our questions and explained a bit about the crisis going on in Arizona with so many kids needing homes right now, I had chills and tears the entire time. She explained the process, which was very doable here in Yuma. However, two weeks later she got back to me that all of my kids needed to be 100% vaccinated in order for us to proceed to become foster parents. At that time I was not comfortable with this so we put it on hold a little longer.
           But I bet every week Aaron and I would bring it up again. Are we doing the right thing? Should we just vaccinate them all on schedule? It took us from May - Sept to make our decision. I emailed the same social worker again and told her we would vaccinate our kids and wanted to start the next set of classes. Which just happened to be starting that next week. So found a babysitter willing to come every Wednesday night, and Aaron and I started PSMAPP.
           The classes were okay. Some weeks were super interested and we left feeling like we learned something. Other weeks were frustratingly boring and we were just grateful to have the time together.
            Classes ended the first week in Dec. The goal was to be licensed by the end of class, but that didn't happen. All kinds of little things popped up to delay the process. Including finding out we're pregnant with Opie baby #5! So then we weren't sure if we were going to move forward or not. But after lots of prayers, temple going, we decided to move forward. To at least finish PSMAPP because once those classes are done, they're done forever. So we kind of put off everything else. But then we decided, heck lets get licensed. I'm feeling fine, and maybe we will just start with respite, or short term placements for now.
          So then it was on to waiting for the home inspector, and then there's the Adam Walsh law which means they have to do a background check in any other states we've lived in. Since we lived in PA less than 5 years ago, they had to do a check with PA. And PA came back with some weird paper our caseworker had never seen before. So we had to fill that out, and wait and wait and wait.
          But, now here we are in Feb. and EVERYTHING IS DONE! They got stuff back from PA, we did the home inspection, we filled out mountains of paperwork, got physicals, licensed our dogs, put locks on our windows and all of our medication, visits with social workers, and our 12 week PSMAPP class... it's all done! It's been a peculiar kind of pregnancy for sure. But so exciting, and all along has just felt right. So we move forward.
              And then on Friday I was walking with a friend. My phone was on silent, and zipped into the stroller, so I didn't hear the 6 phone calls I missed that hour! I also had 3 texts. I read those first, and my eyes locked on the first one and my heart raced. "We have a placement for you." from our case worker. WHAT?! At this time, I thought we were still waiting to hear back from PA so I didn't know we were available to be placed with anyone yet. I texted back, "Details!?" And she texted back, "So sorry! A family member came forward that's going to take the baby."
             I can't say the feeling was disappointed. Because you can't be sad that a baby is staying with family. But now I can't wait. It's so weird knowing at any time my phone could ring and we'll be on our way to pick up a baby, or have children at our door. I can't say the thought has been far from my mind since that text on Friday. And I wasn't sure if we were ready, or if this was a great idea right now, since I kind of already have enough kids to be confused with a day care. But this false alarm just confirmed to me that this is still right. I didn't have any feelings of, "Oh crap, not now!" or any anxiety, just excitement. I know I still have on my rose colored glasses, and as this process moves forward to having a real life baby with us, my views might change. But right now we're so excited for the possibility of another baby joining us, and giving us a chance to love them for however long Heavenly Father gives us.

Lately I think everything my kids say is hilarious. So it's hard to write it down, because it's probably not funny to anyone else. For me it's more just the fact that Eliza barely turned 2, and when she gets something she likes (like to share a soda with her sister) she exclaims, "SODA! AWESOME!" 

Lately I'm the only person in the world who can make her happy, and when Aaron tried to pick her up she put her arms out in defense and yelled, "STAY BACK!"

Olivia asked Abigail why she picks her nose, and without missing a beat Abigail replies, "I have a HABIT, Olivia, okay?! It's a habit!" 

I got Nathan a little bag of power ranger toys from Goodwill (ya know the ones that's basically a bag of random garbage for $2?) and in it was a morpher that is missing the key. The other night while putting him to bed he mused, "Mommy, I think if I find the key to that morpher, I will actually turn into a real power ranger." Not quite as funny as just absolutely adorable, and just perfectly captures that childlike innocence. 

I've had a lot of those moments recently, where I just want to bottle them up. Eliza and Nathan especially. Nathan has a crush on our babysitter, and Abigail said, "Nathan, do you even know what it means if you have a crush? It doesn't just mean you like the person. It means you like them AND you feel EMBARRASSED about it." I thought that was the perfect 6 year old explanation of a crush.

When Eliza is going off to play she always says, "Bye Mom! Have fun!" Because that's what I usually to them when they leave. She loves to count, and draw and ask me what color things are and then argue with me about it. I shouldn't think it's as cute as I do, when she says, "No, actually, that's blue." when she's pointing to something that's most definitely not blue. Though lately she's been getting better, and actually knows most of her colors. I always tell Aaron it's like Olivia 2.0. She reminds me so much of her older sister.

Nathan is finally adjusting to school and hasn't cried the last two times we dropped him off. On Thursday last week he got a little award for having a great week. They sent home a little paper, and they gave him a little toy with it. He's also made some new friends, and it's been really good for him. Though I'm pretty sure he's been sick more in the past month than he has in his entire life. He's really eager to please, and today he helped me put away laundry and mop the kitchen floor. Though if it were up to him, he'd spend every minute of his life playing a Zelda game. 

Pregnancy wise I'm feeling so much further along than my 24 weeks. I feel bigger, more tired and emotional, and achy all over. It's going to be a long 17 weeks, but I know looking back it will fly by. Even just typing this feels so surreal to me. Hard to believe this is the 5th time I'm writing about a pregnancy on my blog. Can't imagine what this little one will be like. It's funny, before having so many kids myself I always wondered how a mom could have enough love and time for so many kids. And one reason I wasn't sure I wanted a #5 was because I just couldn't imagine my heart growing any more. And yet, I find the opposite to be true... I feel more connected to this little baby growing inside of me than I did to any of the others. But it's because I know how much I love them, that I'm able to feel that love already for this little girl. Love definitely multiplies, not divides. I love how much the kids love to talk to their baby sister already. They're constantly asking how big she is now, if she's moving, and Nathan asks daily if she's going to come out now. The big girls understand how long 40 weeks is, and it helps that I'm due right around the last day of school, and they know how far away that is! 

Well I guess that's all I have to say... just wanted to update a little snippet of what life is like right now. Time marches on too quickly, and much too soon these days are memories.

So tired but fulfilled

           It's only 8:45 on a Friday night, but seriously feels like it could be 1:00AM. We are two weeks into 2016 and I think we've had maybe 4 days of everyone being healthy. Nathan and Eliza have strep and ear infections, and Abigail and Aaron have stomach flu stuff going on with high fevers, and Olivia has a cough. Every night since last Saturday I've been woken up around midnight by a sick kid. My days have started at 1:00-2:00AM, and I'm so tired. Eliza is the worst little sick person ever. She was so miserable. It started Sunday, though she was kind of clingy and extra crazy a few days before that, and each day I thought, tomorrow will be better. But each day seemed to get worse. Just constant crying and misery. Or in the bathtub, which is definitely her happy place. The only moments my arms got a break was while she was in the bath. She probably took between 7-8 baths per day, every day this week. The antibiotics seem to be doing the trick and she's getting back to herself. Or so I pray. Nathan didn't really seem that sick at all, but he would randomly complain of an ear ache or sore throat, but it always coincided with not wanting to eat dinner, or go to school. So I had my suspicions. You can imagine my guilt when almost a week after he first complained, he was finally taken to the doctor and diagnosed with strep throat and a double ear infection. Poor guy! Though he has said he hopes that he stays sick forever so that he never has to go back to school. Mr. Social Butterfly, he is not. Meanwhile taking Eliza to the YMCA day care while I work out has been the only way she doesn't cry hysterically the entire 3 hours Nathan is at all school (though that only happened once, before I realized she was sick and not just being a cranky butt).
                Olivia is a much happier person when she has school. The last few days of winter break we were going crazy. But this week has been happier, though she missed two days for being sick.
                  Though despite this craziness I've somehow managed to stick to my goal of staying on top of laundry since my mom left (she helped catch me up, and I've just done 1-2 loads a day since she left). Yes that is only 1 week tomorrow, but this is probably a first for me in my entire marriage. I've also made my bed every day, and we've studied the scriptures as a family every night. The house has stayed semi-clean, like I wouldn't be completely mortified if someone came over, in fact we had our home inspection for foster care yesterday and I barely had to do anything to feel not embarrassed by the state it was in. So even though these are like bare minimum standards, I'm feeling pretty awesome. And by some miracle I've managed to stay healthy through all of it.
                      And Eliza's crying. Why won't these children just sleep?! I swear, when they're sick they sleep significantly less than normal. So frustrating.

How 2016 Began...

So I went to bed last night with the hopes that we had seen the last of Nathan's puking, and starting to think about goals for myself for the new year. Trying not to think too much on the year that had passed, and think about the future and all that. Visions of myself being in better shape, physically, spiritually, financially danced through my head as I started to doze off to sleep. Only to be awaken by the awful, heart stopping sound of a child puking. This time it's Eliza. I look at the clock, 11:48.  Happy New Year, looks like I'll be awake for midnight after all. Aaron and I get her cleaned up, and listen to the fireworks ringing in the new year. We kiss and laugh at the craziness. And then there's more puke, and more puke, and we spend most of the night cleaning puke from 1 and 4 year old. Eliza slept between Aaron and I, with a barricade of towels covering myself because I really hate puke. And at 7:00AM I'm awoken by a sharp fingernail scratching my eyelid and a little voice, "Good morning mama."
       And then I go check on the other puker where there's a fight going on over a blanket, and a cat being tortured. Settle fight, free the cat. Start breakfast. Then Olivia accidentally knocks over a giant, open bag of M&M's in the pantry. Clean M&M's, and switch out the vomit laundry from the middle of the night.
      And I realize the only goal I'm setting this year is to survive with my sanity in tact. Maybe keep the laughter we were able to find in the midst of sleep deprivation and vomit last night. I'll worry about waistlines and budgets next year, when maybe things are starting to settle down a bit. (HA!)

Nathan is 4!

He got everything he wanted... starting with a foot-long hot dog! (Which he only ate about 3 bites of)

His very own homemade ice cream cake.

 And to fall asleep with me singing him his favorite lullaby, surrounded by his fluffies. He seriously sleeps in that pile every night.

What can I say about Nathan? He is extremely sweet, caring, thoughtful, smart, funny, and lately extremely attached to me and whiny. But we can live with that, when he's this cute. He hates for anything to be thrown away, ever. He begs every night to sleep in his sisters' room. He hates being alone. He hates litter. Any time we are anywhere if he has a wrapper he asks me to hold onto it so "it doesn't blow away and make our earth dirty". His perfect day would be playing video games and watching TV all day, with my sitting right next to him, and his dad nearby to help with the hard parts. He doesn't like to color, at the library we did a craft and made a "leaf man". Most kids glued their assorted colored leaves all over their "man". Nathan just glued one on top of the other, in a nice little pile at the bottom of leaf man's feet. I couldn't imagine life without this little guy, always trying to protect me and his sisters.  

Funny kids

We were driving the other day and Abigail randomly asked me, "How old do you have to be to be President?"

"Uhm, 35, I think... yeah, 35." I reply confidently.

"Oh good, I only have 30 more years!"

And then Olivia quickly pipes up, "Yeah and Mom, by then you'll be 61!"

"Ugh, oh man I don't want to be 61." I said.

"Well then you better hope you die before the next 30 years is up!" Abigail says from the backseat without missing a beat.

Well she's sure right. Being 61 certainly beats the alternative.

Earlier the same day I tried on this handkerchief that a friend made me for Disneyland. I tied it around my head, Rose the riveter style. I asked Abigail what she thought.

"Are you seriously going to wear that? OUTSIDE? No, no, take it off! Take it off. You look like someone from THE 90'S! A CLEANING LADY FROM THE 90's!"

She is a crack up.