Four Years Ago today...

I was walking around trick-or-treating just a few hours before giving birth to a beautiful, amazing little girl. I am still in disbelief how that whole night went down, but nonetheless, I am so grateful for this little girl of mine. She's very quick to give her little brother what he wants, even if she had it first. Perhaps it's because she's tired of getting her hair pulled... But she is so sweet, and I am just so in love with her.

Here's her first three years in pictures.. http://mydotcalm.blogspot.com/2012/11/three-years-goes-by-so-fast.html 

And here are some recent ones...

Oh Abigail, I know you feel left out a lot, and your most common complaint is that so and so won't play your game with you. I hope you always know that you are so so special, and so so loved, and your games are awesome and whoever doesn't want to play with you stinks. You are smart, and kind, and thoughtful. Whenever something bad happens to someone, like say Olivia's balloon pops, you don't even think twice about giving her your balloon. Your heart is so good and genuine, and I absolutely love being your mom.

My mom's visit, my birthday, and Oct. Break

We started out Oct. break by heading up to Mesa for my sister-in-law's baby shower. Then we headed home to pick up my mom at the airport! The kids were beyond thrilled to see her. It was fantastic having her here! I really don't think I would have survived October break otherwise.

We went to the state prison park. Doesn't sound nearly as exciting as it actually is. Olivia and I thought it was fascinating, and Abigail was scared out of her mind. She wouldn't run around or explore, and ended up sitting on a bench playing games on my mom's phone to distract her from her terror. Other highlights of this trip include being told I was a beautiful pregnant lady by one of the workers... or was it beautiful for  a pregnant lady? Either way it had my mom and I laughing pretty hard.

What else did we do?? We did one little outing every day, and now for the life of me I can't remember. We shopped a lot... but somehow didn't buy that much? We even left Target empty handed. Good thing I just wrote that down because I don't think it has ever happened before, and is likely to never happen again.

We also had a great time on my birthday. Aaron let me sleep in, and take my time getting ready and brought me breakfast in bed. Then we did something... I really can't remember! But my mom and I went and got manicures and pedicures, then did a little more shopping then went out for lunch. Then we relaxed a bit at home, and then Aaron and I went out to dinner. We went to one of Yuma's "fine dining" restaurants, which can be risky in a small town, but it was delicious!

Anyway my mom had to go back on Saturday and Nathan hasn't stopped asking for Nana since.

Olivia is back to school and we are getting back into our routine. We have a lot of few busy weeks coming up with Abigail's birthday, and Olivia has a few performances for her singing group, and then Thanksgiving, and then of course Christmas will be here before we know it... and then it will be baby time in January! I am worried about how Nathan will deal with it. He hates when I hold his sisters, and he's very cuddly. I'm sure it will all work out, but I am the most nervous for this baby than I think I've been for the others.

And now some pictures...

My daughters

Olivia and Abigail...

Watching their relationship change and grow as they get older is stressful and rewarding, entertaining and frustrating...

I don't know how to explain it. They love each other. Clearly. But I think they may love to torture each other more. There's this constant undertone of I got to do something you didn't. In almost all of their conversations. When Olivia comes home from school she goes on to tell me about what she did. Abigail tells her what we did, but both of them are not just trying to inform each other, they are trying to make the other one jealous. It's in their tone and the words they choose. What on earth is a mother to do about this? I am sure it's normal, but sheesh it drives me nuts.

They also argue and bicker about who gets to be the mom during every game. Olivia usually more bossy than Abigail, but Abigail isn't taking it quite so much anymore, and will refuse to do what Olivia says. Then she will sit in a corner and cry because "no one wants to play her game".

It drains me.  Olivia is always correcting Abigail. Correcting the way she talks, or what she thinks, or Heaven forbid they are playing a simple game of Hopscotch and Abigail picks up the rock on the way there, not the way back. Seriously it was like the world was ending. And of course it drives Abigail nuts, and she will start to do it back to Olivia too. Crazy crazy girls!

A funny example of the above... Abigail was saying her prayers and she was being really silly, praying for the "baby in daddy's tummy" and just cracked herself up over it. Well then it was Olivia's turn. She got out of bed and kneeled in the middle of the room and began to pray, "O God, please forgive my sister. Please forgive her for being so silly during her prayer. She did not remember who she was talking to. Please forgive her, she will do better next time. Amen."

Which led to a discussion about prayer for both of them... but seriously. My life.

They also have their tender moments where one gets hurt and they are quick to be there for each other. Trying to capture those moments as well. Right now they are actually playing really nicely together. It's lasted a whole 10 minutes! Let's hope for 10 more..

So gross.

One time my dog smelled bad.

We gave him a bath.

Two days later (today) we found a dead bird in the backyard. Made a mental note to tell Aaron to somehow dispose of the carcase. Forgot to tell Aaron as I rushed out the door to a Relief Society Meeting.

Come home (tonight) to a very smelly dog.

Realize the dog doesn't just smell, he smells like death.

Remember the dead bird.

Make the grossest realization... the dog and the bird had some kind of contact.

Go in the backyard with Aaron to find and dispose of the dead bird... and find nothing but a few feathers. Realize your disgusting dog must have eaten the dead bird. *gagging*

Give the dog a bath, and try not to barf.

I am seriously scarred for life.

Our Family Vacation 2013!

Guess where we just spent three days??

Yup, a magical trip to Disneyland! It was great. Weather was great, park was busy but not crazy Christmas time crowded or anything. Our first day was probably the best for crowds and weather, but the rest of the trip was great too.

Things I want to remember... Nathan yelling, "Olivia!" And her turning and saying, "What? I'm right here!" Over and over and over again. It was really cute. He also really wanted to hold Abigail's hand a lot. It is fun to see the sibling bonding going on. Really the whole reason to take these vacations, if you ask me!

Nathan had the same reaction to pretty much everything, which was a blank stare. Good thing his ticket was still free! His favorite area of the entire two parks was this tiny little fake stream that he could put his feet in, and then a cave where he could put his hand and find his spirit animal. He did have some great reactions to seeing the characters from a distance. He would get really excited and happily freak out, and then we'd get close and he'd cry. Pretty typical of a 1 year old I suppose.

We also spent Saturday and Sunday with Douger and Allison and their 4 kids. We went to SeaWorld and of course the kids had a blast. They just love being together which is so fun. I have lots of pictures from there too but it is uploading weird. We fed Sea Lions, got splashed by a killer whale, went on super fun rides, and waited in a super long line for mediocre food, and had a super great time.

I am 25...24...26? somewhere around there weeks pregnant now, and I am huge already and so slow and I feel like this is what my body will feel like when I'm 80. I'm just slow and achy. Walking around the parks I felt like I was going as fast as I could, but literally someone passed me who was about 50 years older than me and walking with a cane. Poor Aaron had to slow down quite a bit from his usual Disney pace so I could keep up. And I was still always lagging behind.

Now it's back to reality, which is always hard after a nice 5 day vacation. But here we go!

Can you guess what prophet we are learning about in Mommy School?

This was actually something I just made up as I went along. I found some cardboard in our recyclable pile in the garage, and cut it up to make our Tree Of Life. We glued some white fruit on and talked about what it represented in Lehi's dream. Then we colored the "rod" and talked about what that represented. Then we read a little bit of the dream from the Book of Mormon. Then we went and got some toys and acted it out. The blocks and the fancy princesses are the "tall and spacious building". We had fun acting it out. Steve from Blue's Clues ended up falling from the rod and joining the pretty princesses in the tall and spacious building. 

Olivia's preschool was called Gospel Sprouts and she learned so many scripture stories! I am always impressed with her ability to remember what she learns. I want Abigail to have that same knowledge so I'm working on it with her.. at least trying to!

Can I capture this moment, because I'm sure it's fleeting?

But I feel like I'm handling life.

I don't feel completely overwhelmed by the smallest things.

I'm like somewhat on top of the housework. Let's not mention the huuuge pile of clothes that need to be folded and put away, because c'mon that's going to always exist right? I mean until we move to a nudist colony there is going to be laundry to be put away at all times. But for the most part I can have the house "company ready" in about 10 minutes. So I'm calling that a win.

Kids are in a good bed time and nap routine. That always makes life more enjoyable.

I think most importantly though, I am studying my scriptures, with a real intent to get something out of it.  I'm praying, and leaning, and relying on His strength so much.

We're also having family scripture study, almost every day. And I think that's been the key. Because I'm probably not quite as on top of things as I think I am. I mean as I write this Nathan is running around completely naked, and I don't even plan on putting clothes on him until I put him down for his nap. (He is however on track to be completely potty trained by his 2nd birthday, if not sooner. I don't remember the last poopy diaper I changed because he's gone on the potty every single time for at least the past week!) And, our lunches today consisted of tortilla chips with melted cheese... that's basically no different than a quesadilla, right? I threw in some grapes for good measure, but I have never used cookie cutters to make my child's lunches look like cartoon characters. Anyway I guess what my point is, doing the most important things like studying the scriptures and teaching my children the Gospel really do make a difference in how I feel about life.

I have felt paralyzed at times by everyone's immediate wants and needs. I have felt completely full of dread by the end of the day, realizing how soon the new day will begin and I'll do the same thing all over again. I have felt completely inadequate to care for all these people of mine. I have felt like they are out of control and I need Super Nanny. I have felt the drudgery of doing the laundry and dishes over and over and over again. I have felt myself snap and some insane crazy angry woman comes out of me and screams at my children, and suddenly I realize how people get to a point where they lose control and hurt their children. Not that I've ever been close to that point, but really if I didn't have the husband I have, and the friends and family and support I have, I can't say I would never get there. I hope that sentence doesn't freak anyone out. I have never been close to literally killing or harming my kids or anyone... just saying I can see how someone could get there. It used to seem to me, how on earth could anyone every do that, but I can kind of see how someone could get to that point. That's all I'm saying... so don't freak out. Mom.

But the good news is I haven't felt like that any of that in a while. Well maybe it's only been a week or two. But I am in a good place, and it feels good to feel good! Hopefully the momentum will continue and I can feel like this as long as possible because I know all those negative feelings come back. And with a new baby coming in a few months I am sure they will. But hopefully I can remember this time to just focus on those most important things and things will continue to fall into place.