We went to my cousin's wedding last weekend. It was a great time. The wedding was beautiful and Aaron and I got to run away all by ourselves. HEAVEN! So grateful for wonderful family who happily and willingly take on my brood of 6 kids. It was a lot of traveling for a short weekend, but I would do it again a million times. 

First of all - once you are used to traveling with kids, traveling alone is as good as life gets. There is nothing more relaxing to me than being a passenger on an airplane or in the car. So even though we had to travel 3 hours in the car, 4 hours on the plane, 5 hours in the car... then all over again 3 days later - it was honestly wonderful. 

We also got to go back to Erie and drive by our old apartment. I love that place and miss that time in our lives so much. Being back where it's so green and lush just makes me feel like fish put back in the water. We did some quick shopping and got lunch at Wegmans. I really love PA. 

The reception was so much fun. We danced and danced and laughed and talked and ate delicious food. 

Though on the way there I was so hungry. As soon as we landed I looked up restaurants on yelp and set my heart on this piorogi place. I was dying to try it as it had 5 stars and hundreds of reviews. It was a bit of a drive, and I poured over reviews the entire time. I knew exactly what I was going to get. We pull up... and it closed 15 minutes before we got there. AHhhhhh..... I cried. A lot. There was a pizza place next door and we were so hungry we just grabbed some pizza and it was awful. So gross. So I cried more. I don't know why I was so emotional - well yes I do. But man I wanted a freaking perogi so bad. But honestly - as fun as the wedding was, I was looking forward to it, but was also dreading it. I knew I would feel the heaviness of missing Jesse. As happy as it is, it's also so sad that Jesse isn't there. He would certainly have been Tommy's "best man" and having everyone together just feels so hard without him there. I hadn't really let myself feel any of this though - so it all came out when I was denied my delicious dinner.

But once we were there it was okay. There were tears shed, but mostly it was a happy day and though we miss Jesse so much we definitely knew he was there. I could almost see him standing next to Tommy with all the other groomsmen. Which was happy and sad. Wish he could really be there. I wish he had the chance to get married. I wish my moms heart wasn't so broken. But I'm grateful that we know this life isn't the end. 

Then after we got home from the wedding we had court for our sweet foster baby. It was an initial severance hearing. Which apparently all they do is set a date for the trial. So now we wait and pray and see what happens in November.

The one where Nathan Starts Hockey

I am seriously so excited for Nathan to be playing hockey. It was my brother's thing, and while it's definitely bitter sweet, I choose to focus on the sweet. I'd love to say Nathan put on his skates and hit the ground gliding like pro, but the truth is, he is pretty terrible. Definitely not a natural. But it was his first time on skates and he didn't fall down that much! So I was impressed. He just does this hilarious tiny baby steps way of skating. It's hard to describe, and hilarious to watch. I'm sure he'll continue to improve. And he's already made good friends, and I'm already envisioning signing him up for travel and becoming a real hockey mom. Though I think that will be further down the road. 

Also anyone in Yuma -- hockey is THE best sport option. Equipment rental is free and it's only $50 for the whole season. You really can't beat that! I kind of regret not signing my girls up as well. So far it seems like Nathan loves to play as much as I love to watch, but we'll see how long it lasts. Skate clinic was indoors, and when the season starts we'll be outside. Hopefully cool weather is just around the corner, but in the middle of August this heat feels never ending. 

The One When We Go To Court

So we went to court last week. Aaron had to work so my good friend Nancy came with me for moral support. I am so glad she came because I came out of court really blindsided. They are moving to severance but plan on moving baby to TX. Today is his first birthday! I have had him since he was released from the hospital after being born. He has never met this aunt, not even via video chat or visits, despite my willingness to try either of these things, even meeting halfway or something. But none of that seemed to matter and I was told flat out that I'm not even a consideration. To say I was hurt would be an understatement. I don't even know the correct words for the emotions I was feeling.

So if you are into getting your heartbroken, feeling like a bystander when it comes to the child you are loving with all your heart, then foster care is a great choice for you. If you enjoy not knowing what's going on with a child in your care 24/7, I highly recommend this choice.

On the other hand, I feel like I'm really good at this. And that makes me feel good. I try really hard to have a relationship with baby's bio parents and our licensing worker (the only person it feels like is on my side, or really baby's side) says that will look good in court and to include it in my letter to the judge. I am able to love these babies with all I've got, knowing that at any moment they can leave. The only times I really question what the heck I'm doing is when I wonder if it's hurting my own kids in anyway. They all seem fine and okay with everything, and I tell myself that they are learning compassion and empathy and selfless love, but that's hard when I think of Nora. I mean she's had 3 foster siblings in the 2 years she's been alive. Does she sense she might be one to leave? Is that why she doesn't sleep anymore or is the most clingy of my 5.

Anyway we go back for a severance hearing on the 6th of Sept. I am not sure what will happen from there. It will be interesting.

Pictures are worth 1,000 words. (Maybe i'll find time to add actual words..)

When we had a 7 hour delay

We flew home from NJ last week and it was doozy! From traffic on the Turnpike to our flight being delayed we were travelling for a total of about 16 hours. Aaron flew home earlier in the week, so it was just me and all my babies. It was so crazy, but really not too bad. It was an 8pm flight, and we didn't actually take off until 2am. But for some reason I was in a great mood and it was okay. 

       The first few hours the kids were happy to play on the escalator and play with the few toys they had packed. Then when they got tired, they made little nests and fell asleep on the airport floor. Someone handed us a food voucher and we got the most delicious crab meat cobb salad ever. The worst part of it was when they changed the gate on us. After telling me they wouldn't. And it was in a different concourse so I had to drag everyone and all our stuff across the airport at midnight. But so many people around us were so helpful. It made such a difference. One lady even helped wake Nathan up. He is such a deep sleeper, and I was gently shaking him and calling his name. This lady was like, "You want help?" I said sure, thinking she might pick him up or something but she yelled so loud, "NATHAN! DUDE WAKE UP!" Poor Nathan was dazed and confused and very grumpy while we walked to the other gate.

        When we got to the next gate everyone was lined up ready to board. It was still showing our departure time as 12:15 so we thought we were ready to go. I wasn't sure which line to go in since there were no other little kids on this flight (smart parents) and I was looking around when this nice gentleman gestured for me to join him in the first class line, "You get preboarding with all those kids right?"  I explained on the way out they never announced preboarding for children so I wasn't sure. "Oh no, you are going to be the first person on that plane. If they give you trouble, I'll just say you're traveling with me. You are amazing, traveling with 5 kids like this by yourself." Well thank you kind sir!

Then we waited - 12:15 came and went. The time on the screen jumped to 12:45. Everyone groaned. What was going on NOW? Someone with a thick accent and possibly a speech impediment as well spoke quietly into the voice over thing explaining what was happening. No one could understand and it was the brink of chaos as people yelled that they couldn't hear/understand. Nathan begins crying because he thinks something is wrong and he's getting scared. This same nice guy kneels down to Nathan's level and asks him if he wants to see a card trick. He proceeds to pull a deck of cards form his pocket and blows my kids minds with his magic trick. They ask for another and another and he obliges, with honestly some impressive card tricks. Then the kids ask if he will play war with them. He deals them all out and plays war with them until they finally start boarding our plane almost an hour later.

Nora had been asleep in the stroller for most of this chaos. However once we boarded and I had to take her out of the stroller she woke up. She figured she just had a great nap and so she was awake for almost the entire flight. Which meant I got to be awake for the entire flight. We finally landed at 4:00AM (Arizona time - 7AM NJ) and got to my in-laws at 5. I got a couple hours of sleep before kids were up and it was time for a day. Honestly I was so exhausted all week, combination of recovering from the traveling and jetlag I'm sure.

The One Where We Go To NJ And Everyone Gets Sick (AGAIN)

We've been in NJ for a little over a week. On Sunday before we left  Nora had a fever. Later that day I found out Matthew had Hand-Foot-Mouth disease, and figured it was probably what Nora was coming down with. Our first few days here she was miserable. And sleeping horribly. And so grumpy - literally hissing at anyone that tried to say hello to her and only wanted to be in my arms. So that was fun. She's finally feeling better and the hissing has mostly stopped.

First day we went to the beach with my aunt Marita and cousin. Kids had a blast boogie boarding, sand castle building and playing in the pool (beach club) . Then I think the next day we went swimming at Aunt Kathy's. Then we went down my cousin Jackie's and went paddle boarding and played in the bay. That was probably a favorite of all the kids. Olivia and Abigail were naturals on the stand up paddle boards. We also spent a day at the boardwalk going on all kinds of crazy rides and eating lots of delicious food.

A highlight of the trip I don't want to forget - my Aunt Jeanine came down from New York to visit and we decided to go out to dinner. After much debate we decided to try a hot dog place in Keansburg. When we got there my mom is upset to find out it was only hot dogs. We thought they had burgers and stuff, but it was strictly hot dogs. No menu. So we almost left, but my dad insisted we were there so it was fine. Hot dogs for all. We were about halfway through our meal when we saw a familiar face walk through the door- my aunt and uncle were taking Nanny out to dinner -- and of all places they ended up at this hot dog restaurant as well. To top it off - it was pouring rain! This place is on the boardwalk, right by the beach. Not a place you want to be when it's raining. What made both of us go there I will never know, but I'm so grateful! I never get to just "run into" my nan while out and about. So just happening to bump into her was special for me.

We also got to meet up with our good friend Jess today. She grew up in NJ and also ended up in Yuma. Now she's moving to the east coast so that was a lot of fun to get to see her in our native homeland. We just hung out and chatted and gosh I just love that girl.

Overall the trip has been cram packed with family time, delicious food, and relaxing. Everything you can ask for from  a vacation. I am really not quite ready to go home.

Tomorrow and Friday are our last days here and then we go home to melt in the Arizona sun. We're flying home late at night. Just me and 5 kids. It's going to be fan-freaking-tastic. Hoping they will all fall asleep and be perfect angels.  Then the kids will be starting school next week - and just like that summer vacation is over.

Family Time

The other day we had spent almost all day looking at screens, I finally decided enough was enough. I told everyone to put it away and we were going to play charades. We were laughing so much and having so much fun. Nathan cuddled up on my lap and said, "I wish I could write about this in my journal so I always remember it." 

He has been on wanting a journal kick. He randomly says he wants a pet snake. I told him if he still wants one when it's his birthday we'll talk more about it. "I wish I had a journal." He said. "Why?"  "Because then I could write, December 17th - remember I want a snake!"

Nora has been utterly exhausting lately. It seems the last 10 years of my life have been, one kid growing out of the absolutely exhausting stage, just to have another one fill their place. I'm looking forward to the future and not having toddlers anymore. As I write this, she is emptying every toy bin into the living room. It's easier to clean it up when she's in bed than try to stop her now. The other day she emptied all the tupperware - no big deal. But then she got her squeezy applesauce and made sure to get some all over every single piece. Today in sacrament meeting she would not sit still to save her life. She just loooves to go up to every single person and say "Hi!" and wave to them. Fortunately most people are happy to say hi back, and she goes on her merry way. But I still feel like I should be able to control her better. Any attempt to keep her in my lap resulted in her hitting and biting me. She also requests fruit snacks about 100 times a day.  She's also still sleeping really crappy and so she's easily trigged by everything. In fact, she's now moved from destroying the toys to emptying the pantry so I better go.