Just getting up to date.

I've been neglecting this old blog of mine and I know I'll regret it. One of my favorite things to do is go back and look at old posts and remember all the things I have completely forgotten. So this post will just be a bit of getting caught up. My family was here last week (Mom, Dad and sister... I can't even begin to tell you how weird that feels, that that is my entire family. But that's a whole other post in and of itself). My cousin Jackie even came on Mother's Day. We had a great time. I wrote all the details in my actual journal so here I'll just share the pictures.








One day Nathan and I made a blanket fort in the living room and hung out in there for a while. At one point he told me he was Link and I was a tired old lady who just stayed in the house. That was definitely my favorite role to ever play in any of my kids games. I can definitely do tired, old lady really well. Then some magic turned us both into "Red Link" and we had "red boots, red sword, red shield, red shirt, red hat, and a red hook shot." It cracked me up. If you ask him what his favorite color is he says he likes all the colors. But whenever given the chance to ever chose something with a color he always chooses red. Sometimes I'll ask him who his favorite person is (hoping of course that he'll say me) and he always says, "I love allbodies. Aaaallll the peoples are my favorite." He's like 3.5 now and most of his words that he's said wrong forever he's figured out, but a few have stuck around and I think my heart will break when he says it right. Like allbodies, instead of everybody. And he says "drinky" instead of thirsty. With my older girls I was more concerned about them knowing the right words, but with him, I just realize how fast he's growing up and I'm just a-okay with his cute words. A little more about Nathan right now... he's such a protective brother. It's really cute, and really surprising to me. Because it just comes naturally. I swear he's more vigilant about watching Eliza than I am! I am a very laid back mom (probably to a fault!) and so when he's following her around and freaking out because she put something in her mouth it always catches me off guard because he really hasn't seen that modeled, it's just in his nature. Which melts my heart. And makes me grateful! And at times frustrated because sometimes I give her food, he doesn't know and freaks out because she's eating something and tried to get it out of her mouth which then sends her into a fit! But mostly it's adorable. He had to stay in the girls room when my family was here and now he really doesn't want to be alone and go back in his own room, so bed time has been fun lately.

This is a perfect representation of Eliza. Can't you just feel the attitude in this picture? And she's wearing a diaper and shoes only because she loathed the cute romper I had on her. Like screaming and tearing at it, and yelling until I finally gave in and took it off her. But she loved those shoes. When I tried to take those off for nap time she threw a fit similar to the romper fit earlier. Yes, this is a pattern. She is feisty, hilarious, smart, demanding, cuddly, and just so much personality it's bursting out of her. She waves to everyone, tries to repeat everything you say, loves to dance and read... she's completely and utterly exhausting. But we sure love her.

Words of wisdom from Abgail

Sometimes Abigail is super deep for a 5 year old, and she utterly inspires me. I don't think she realizes what she's saying is so brilliant or deep, but often times it strikes me as exactly what I needed to hear in that moment.

For example...

A few weeks ago she was hesitant to go in the pool because the water was freezing. She was running all around the outskirts of the pool, occasionally dipping her toe in. Then, to my shock, she yelled,

"What am I doing? GOODBYE FEARS! HELLO LIFE!" And just dove straight into the deep end of the pool.

So much can be learned from this moment, am I right??  So many metaphors. Goodbye fears, hello life.

Next example, we were on a bike ride. "We" in this sentence, meaning Olivia, Abigail, and me pulling Nathan and Eliza behind in the bike trailer. We're going along, with the rule "NO RACING!" (because someone always cries). But of course, even if it's not a race, it IS a race... and Abigail got distracted and was pretty far behind. I was a bit ahead because, well momentum! Pulling that trailer full of kid is not easy, so I just peddled along at a slow enough pace, but honestly I have no clue how far behind Abigail was. I didn't even realize she was far enough behind to be upset about it, until she was speeding past me with the world's largest grin on her face. When we got home she told me this: 

"Mom, I was so sad because I was so far behind you and Olivia, I just wanted to stop and give up. I thought I could never catch up. And then I said to myself, 'Well not like that, you won't!' And I just started thinking, 'I think I can, I think I can!' and I did it! That's how you do it."

I think we have a future motivational speaker on our hands. This plus her, "I can do hard things" mantra from her 3 year old self, is pretty unstoppable.

PS - I had other examples that left my brain the moment I started typing this. Maybe I'll come back and add to it later if they come back to me. (But don't hold your breath for that.)

So this post started as a Facebook status but was getting too long so I decided to make it a blog post but I'm writing from my phone so please forgive me for the extra typos!

I've had all these thoughts lately that I want to share but for once the words escape me. I can't find exactly what I'm trying to say. So here are the facts then I will add my thoughts and maybe it will make sense.

My brother died on Friday January 2nd. But his death certificate says January 5th. 

This year Easter is on April 5th. 

The last time Easter was on April 5th was 1953. 

Also, not as infrequent but still fun fact, general conference was on Easter this year.

I do not believe in coincidences. I believe God is in the details of our lives. And I think, through the error of the date on his death certificate (it's debatable if it's really an error but I think it is) we are reminded of the resurrection and what it really means.

Here is another fact, the day after Christ was crucified and the day before Christ was resurrected, was a day of total darkness.  What were those people thinking? Did they understand his message? Did they have hope they would see their beloved Brother again? I think that dark day was very dark, in more ways than one. I can't say for certain because we don't know for sure, but based on their reactions when they heard He was risen, makes me think they were surprised and some doubtful. 

And only one was there at the tomb in the morning. Where was the blind he healed? The women he forgave? Those 5,000 he miraculously fed and taught... Where were they that first Easter morn? Had they already forgotten the miracles they experienced, as we so often do? In that darkness did they forget the hope and promise of Jesus Christ? But then He did it. He broke the bands of death and returned to his disciples, and brought with Him the light. 

And I think of us, in our day, living in our own darkness. Ours lasts longer than a day, but the pattern is the same. We were with Christ before we were born, and we will be reunited with him when our time on this earth is through. Meanwhile I hope I can be like Mary and actively seek after my savior. Serve him, love him, and tell everyone that He is truly risen!

I know I will see my brother again. I know he is not as far as he seems and before long this darkness will be over and I will be with my brother and Poppy again. 

So there, that's most of my thoughts. Maybe I can sleep now!

This week was the worst.

Tonsillitis is so painful. Started with muscle aches, fever, higher fever, exhaustion, then the kind of sore throat that's so bad you can't swallow your own saliva you are spitting into a cup. It was the worst. And all during Olivia's 7th birthday!  Today was the first day I woke up and felt pretty good, minus a headache. Then that tiny headache turned into the worst migraine of my life. 

I had to call people and ask for help several times this week. That never gets easy to me. I  am so grateful though for so many people who were so willing to watch my kids, clean my house, and cook my family dinner. Yuma may not be the most glorious place in the world but it is really full of some amazing people. So humbling to be served so much. 

So yeah this week goes down in the record books as one of the hardest, most miserable weeks of my 30 years on this earth. Hopefully it's over and the weekend will bring happiness!

Some late night thoughts about motherhood

I have some amazing, strong willed children. One particularly more strong willed than the others, and a baby who may just be following in those footsteps, time will tell. And I'm learning, and trying and some days are amazing. And some days are so hard. But I keep thinking about the phrase, "Have joy in your posterity." These babies are a blessing from God, to bring me joy! Not drive me insane. The more I remind myself of that, the better.

And the joy has come in some sweet little moments lately.

Tonight Olivia told me, out of the blue, "Mom you are just so cool." I have to write this down because I am sure the day is close on the horizon that she will never use me and cool in the same sentence ever again.

The other night putting Nathan to bed he gave me a big hug and said simply, "You're my mom."
There is really no reason that should have made me cry, but I found myself choking back tears nonetheless. I felt so unbelievably blessed to have this moment. And I was able to appreciate it. That doesn't happen too often!

Eliza has been extra cuddly lately. I just can't help but feel so blessed when she snuggles her head into my shoulder. And as I lovingly rub her back, she will wrap her little arms around me and mimic me, rubbing my back in return. Sweetest thing ever, am I right?

Abigail never gives up. We go to the park most mornings and she finally learned how to pump. And she exclaimed, "See Mom! That's what can happen if you never give up! You taught me that." Cue the tears. I so love that she has learned this lesson so early in life. And I hope she keeps it with her throughout her life. She loves to make us all laugh, and she has so much more going on in that little head than she ever lets on about.

I love these little people so much. And they do bring me so much joy. There is a scripture that we have adopted as our family scripture, "I have no greater joy than to know that my children walk in truth." I can certainly testify of its truth. There really is no greater than feeling than seeing your children grow and make wise decisions. My kids are all still so little, but even in these small things it brings my heart so much joy.

So far this post makes it seem like I really have my stuff together. I really don't. I feel the need to keep things real at all times on this blog, so I will tell you this... I have done the bare minimum lately. Laundry was so out of control it took my husband two days of hard work doing laundry nonstop to help get me back on top of it. I couldn't sleep tonight so I literally spent 30 minutes scraping who-knows-what off my kitchen floor. Took the kids to Chik-Fil-A for dinner, and Olivia kept stealing her sister's food, pretended to SNEEZE on her sister's food, and Nathan kept screaming at the top of his lungs over every little thing, and Eliza wouldn't stay in the high chair or stroller, and cried and squirmed until she was happily on my lap. My kids watch way too much TV, and play way too many video games... I really need to get that under control. So yeah, there's real life for ya!

Couldn't make this stuff up... Funny Abigail

Last night at 9:00 -- an hour and a half after I tucked her in, Abigail comes downstairs crying hysterically. Through her sobs she's able to tell me what's wrong.

"I *sob* want to be *sob* a clown *sob* and I'm afraid I'll never get the chaaance!" She wails at the end. And then when I hug her, unable to contain my laughter she sobs uncontrollably in my arms. Because she wants to be a clown, and she's afraid she'll never get the chance.

So this afternoon, I thought I could make all her dreams come true and dress her up like a clown and try to teach her how to juggle.

"So Abigail, you still want to be a clown?" I ask, anticipating her eager response.

Instead I laugh again as she replies, "No Mom. I changed my mind. Those funny days are all behind me."

Eliza is ONE!

This cutie turned one on the 20th of January! Hard to believe, a year flew by so quickly! 

Can't believe how quickly she's changing from a sweet little baby to this crazy little person who runs around destroying my house, and trying to hurt herself! She keeps us all on our toes, for sure.

She has a few words, and likes to say them over and over. Her newest word is, "Me?" She walks more than she crawls, though that didn't happen until this week. She knows where her nose is. She still takes two naps but is trying mightily to switch to one. It's been a rough transition! Though once we're through it I'll be grateful, because I feel trapped at home all day long because of naps. Eliza takes a morning nap from 9:30ish - 11:30 ish. Then Nathan takes an afternoon nap from 12ish - 2 ish, and then Eliza naps from 3ish - 5ish. So someone tell me exactly when I'm supposed to leave the house without sacrificing anyone's nap time. Because if I've learned one thing as a mom, it is that almost nothing is worth sacrificing nap time. So getting to a point where Nathan and Eliza both nap at the same time each day would be fantastic. 

And tomorrow I have to register Abigail for Kindergarten! Next year it will just be these two home with me, and Nathan desperately wants to start preschool, so maybe a few hours each day I'll just have Eliza. Whatever will I do with myself? And then the following year, no one will start school, but the next year Nathan will, then the next year no one, then the next year Eliza will! Life is changing so fast.