It's been forever, blogging obviously went out of style long ago. But Olivia - the baby who started it all on this blog, just turned 18.

And I have feelings. 

Her life hasn't turned out like I expected. I have learned so much about myself through this journey raising her. Mainly trying to just accept what is. 

At 12 Olivia developed an eating disorder. It kind of stole everything from her. She spent her entire high school life in and out of treatment centers. She didn't go to any formal dances and she's okay with that. And I had to look at myself and ask why do I care? She no longer believes the teachings of our church and doesn't attend, and that's an interesting kind of heartache. Because what do you mean, you have your own beliefs and opinions that are different than mine? This wasn't in the Baby Center emails. 

I have learned that who she is as a person and who she is becoming, and really who she has always been, is all her, and I have very little control. Relinquishing that control has been my growth arc. Letting go of guilt and wishing I could go back and change things doesn't help either. Comparison brings only pain and serves no one.

I hope this doesn't sound like I'm disappointed in her. She has overcome so much. She is not afraid of hard conversations. She advocates for what she wants. She is amazing with kids with special needs and volunteered helping with Penguin Project recently and everyone loved her, of course. 

Just crazy to think this blog started with my finding out I was pregnant with her, and now we're here. Life is crazy.